When you feel the sudden awareness that your self-esteem is dipping or crashing.
Stop! ….. Breathe deeply and slowly in and out 4 times and try one of these savers:
- Self-talk is important. Often the internal critic will fire off negative comments, be ready for it and counter this by saying to yourself:
“I am good enough!”
“I can stand this”
“I have my own opinions, thoughts and feelings”
“There are things about me that are likeable and things that are not so good – just like anyone else”
“I have overcome more difficult problems than this in the past”
“I am not perfect and don’t need to be. I am good at some things and not so good at others”
“I don’t know for a fact that everyone is having a better time than me. Just because they are busy doesn’t mean they are more happy”.
- Remember life is full of choices and you make them, especially how you chose to think. Prepare in advance by thinking of words that represent values you want to feature in your life from now on. For example love, laughter, fun, integrity, calmness, kindness etc. Search out experiences and thoughts to make these words live in your life!
- Focus on what you do want rather than what you don’t want in life. Be aware of the language you use; “try” is a word that implies something may or may not happen; instead say: “I will” which gives a positive commitment that something will happen.
- How would you like people to behave towards you? Do people know how you feel? Sometimes we expect others to read our minds.
Simplify life by letting your nearest and dearest know what you need. Instead of saying “You make me feel …. Come from the I. I feel ……… Or I need …….… This feels far less critical to the person receiving your comment and you clarify what you do actually feel and need.
- Let go of anger and resentment. It is your choice how you react to others; it may be a habit to break.
What would it be like to decide not to feel like this? To not react? How would life be?
If others tease you, frustrate you and make you feel criticised decide to recognise the feeling, accept it and not react. By giving them the attention they seek you are fuelling the fire. Remove the reaction and the behaviour will stop over time. You will eventually find you can turn a negative situation quickly into a positive one.
- Remember your own personal boundaries. If someone pushes you too far and a situation is getting out of control. Stop, take a couple of deep breaths and tell them you can’t deal with this now. Make a time later in the day or week when feelings will have reduced where you can discuss the issue calmly. Then leave the situation.
- Spark your enthusiasm. Sometimes life can be become a bit humdrum, same old pattern or habits, people and places. This is when you can feel bored and dissatisfied. It’s time to fire your enthusiasm: read inspiring articles/blogs, look for new things to do e.g. Holiday destinations, days out, galleries, exhibitions, country walks, historical houses, plays to see, new films to watch, books to read, book clubs to join, hobbies to investigate. Consider something you have never tried before it might just be the spark you need
We all fall into negativie thinking patterns at times. If this is problematic take some time when you are feeling OK to plan how to cope the next time you don’t feel OK. A wise investment to reduce future stress and discomfort. Keep the plan handy and use it as a safety valve when you feel yourself slipping.